sentimental mood...

     Tonight, as I sit here in my living room, listening to classic Christmas standards, reading, and, of course, cup of coffee in hand, I just slipped into a sentimental mood. This holiday season is carrying a lot more emotional weight to it than I have ever experienced before. I think many factors are attributing to this, and I thought I would pause a bit and reflect on those thoughts. And being the subject matter as it is, and the time of year it is, I thought I would share it in written form. I don't know if it is necessarily to document my experiences for you to read, but maybe it will get you to reflect on some things from your past, and even present, and cause you to pause for awhile. Maybe smile thinking about blessings in your life right now. Maybe cry a little as you remember those memories and lives from the past that have impacted your current holiday traditions. Maybe appreciate the small things in life that get overlooked so many times. I don't know your situation, but here some thoughts, memories, and reflections on what makes this time of the year so special to me...

-Family: I have to say, I was guilty of taking for granted the gift of family. Three years ago, Julie and I decided that we would move to TN, and we were so fortunate to grow as a couple, as a family with the addition of Tucker, and as individuals with the many career and personal experiences that the Lord had us go through. I still do not know the full picture behind why the Lord opened doors for us to move out there like He did, but I do know this, one of the biggest lessons He taught us while we were there was to never take for granted family, and the times together. It wasn't the big events that we missed, as we travelled back for most of the major things, but it was the small everyday things that we missed the most. I treasure the smallest of events now, from late night coffee at my parents house, to bonfires at my uncles house, to family Christmas get-togethers, to walking with my Grandpa in his garden, to disc golf and playing music with my brother, to helping my family build my sister's shed. I was picking up drive through fast food the other night, and I happened to see my grandparents car parked, and they were eating inside. I had a lot to do that night, and was very tired after a long day, but I thought about the many times I prayed for those opportunities to spend with them while I has in TN, and I parked the car and went in to talk to them. You don't get those chances back. I cherish every moment now, and I know I do not always show it, or tell others enough, but when I lay my head down every night, I thank God for every moment He gives me with those people I love the most. I know that this month will be crazy and hectic, but this year I have a new appreciation for the time I have with my family, and no matter what has happened, been said, or done throughout the year, I am truly looking forward to seeing each and every one of them. I love every one of them.

-Tucker: My little man is growing up so fast. This is technically his second Christmas, but this one will be so special for Julie and I. We love seeing things through his big green eyes now. Everything is so fresh, new, and special. He truly is a blessing, and God has been so good to us. From his dancing around the living room to the music, to the sparkle of the tree lights in his eyes, to the enjoyment we get in seeing him experience the holidays with all his family, Christmastime is different now.

-Julie: As excited as I am for Tucker this year, I think that I am more excited for my wife. I will say, that she has been so good to me, and has given up a lot in recent years in her support for me. As we were looking for houses before the move back, I was really hoping and praying that she would finally get a house that she could really make a home for us to experience life together. God blessed us with this home we are in, and she has put a lot of hard work and creativity into the decorations and such. I am glad she finally has a place she is proud of, and that she can put her signature on. I am so glad that she is back home to experience this year with her immediate family. She cherishes those moments with her mom and sisters baking cookies, wrapping gifts, and shopping. With all she has done for us, she deserves to be happy and enjoy the holidays. She is Mrs. Christmas, and the place is beautiful. I love her for making this home a special place we can relax and celebrate. You deserve it honey...

-Memories: I am thankful for all the great memories that I have been fortunate to be a part over the years. This is such a rich time to experience and appreciate those things that have been given to us. I think of Christmas day at Grandpa Collins house every time I smell a wood burning stove in the air. I miss the little things such as Grandma Long's gumball tree, and getting fruit bags at church. (I still love those things!...pecans, gum, oranges, apples, 3 musketeers, etc) I think of all the wonderful times we had at extended family get-togethers, and catching up with those we don't get to see but a few times a year. I think of all those years of waking up to the smell of ham biscuits for Christmas breakfast, and riding to McAddenville for the lights. I remember that Christmas just wasn't right with two albums: Carpenters Christmas, and Ronnie Milsap/Alabama Christmas. I still to this day enjoy those albums the best. I remember all those days and nights working on cantata music with Mom and Dad, and miss those days of playing and singing music with them. I miss the smile on Grandma Long's face seeing everyone crammed into that house. She loved everyone, and despite everything, always delighted in having gifts for everyone. At the time, I did not appreciate what she gave me enough, compared to other things I received from others, but looking back, they were the most precious things I was given. She gave us all she had. I wish Tucker could have met her, she would have loved him. I am thankful for my parents and the love and sacrifice they showed us every Christmas. They always gave us way more than what we deserved, and they wanted to make this time of year special for us. From sitting around the table listening to music, to treasure hunts, to holiday movies, this was always a magical time for our family. I can only hope I can provide for Tucker what they have sacrificed for me.

-The little things: This year, I am slowing down and enjoying things a little more. I am going enjoy good coffee, or even some spiced cider. I am starting to enjoy the Christmas classics a little more, and not get as annoyed with Christmas music so fast. We are going to not run around as much this month, but instead invest in the home God has given us, and the time with Tucker here. We will enjoy and appreciate the decorations, and reflect on the joy and celebration they represent. We will try to savor every moment that is spent with family and friends, and not take for granted those relationships. Try to enjoy a good Christmas event, whether it be a parade, cantata, concert, or other performance. Julie and I have done several things, including Operation Christmas Child, and the Angel Tree this year. I say this not to boast in anything, or to point out anything from pride, but to say that we are so happy to give to others that need help, and encourage you to do so as well. This has probably been the most convicting part of the holidays for me, as I have realized how selfish and self-centered I have been over the past few years. People are hurting out there, and this time of year, we have such an opportunity to show the love of Christ to others by providing for needs and wants that they have. Especially kids. I cannot stand the thought of orphans, or needy kids and families, thinking that they have no hope or that no one cares. If we can bring a smile to a few kids faces this year, then that is what we will do. It really has set the tone for our holiday season. I wish we could do more.

-Christ: He is so deserving of our worship and reflection all year long, but especially during the holidays. Whatever I, my family, or you do this year, I hope we always find time to stop and be thankful to Him for wrapping our sinful flesh around his holiness, taking the form of a man, and coming to earth to restore the relationship with humanity. It is the greatest story ever told, and so humbling to think about. Embrace His gift to us this year, and pass it along to others. May He not get lost in all of the shuffle this year. May it not be said of us as it says in Joel 2:17: "Spare your people, O LORD, and make not your heritage a reproach, a byword among the nations. Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?'" His gift to us was a heritage and adoption into His family, made possible by His sacrifice on the cross for our sins. May we not be asked where our God is this Christmas. It's okay to regift this one...
    
   

A prayer for my son...

I pray you grow up knowing you are loved. Your Mom and I may not be perfect, but there is nothing we wouldn't do for you, and sacrifice for your welfare. I pray you appreciate and respect family. Aside from Christ and His church, it is the most important thing you can live for. I pray for good health for you as you continue to grow, and that you would take care of the body you have been given. I pray you are a reader. Always expand your mind, and never stop learning. Readers are leaders! I pray you are a lover of music and the arts. Whether it be music, writing, drawing, photography, painting, or acting, always stay creative, and find the beauty in everything. I pray you are a positive person, and see things through the joy that Christ affords us. I pray you will always respect and take care of your Mom. As much as I love you, there is a bond between you two that I could never duplicate. Never let circumstances in life break the love that you two have. I pray you have a heart for people who need hope. The needy, the poor, the hopeless. Be a rock for them and always give yourself for their cause. I pray you love the outdoors. God created all there is for His glory, so delight in it. Hunt, fish, play ball, hike, camp, get dirty. Enjoy creation, and always take care of it. I pray you enjoy history, and the things of the past. Appreciate good quailty craftsmenship and old relics. Talk to old men. Learn from the past. Revel in the simplicity of it all. Sometimes it's better to slow down so much that the past catches up to you. I pray you are a leader. And not just a strong-willed person that gets recognized, but lead son. Know who you are, Who's you are, and have a cause. And lead. I pray you are a true man. Learn to fix stuff, be decisive, respect women, be handy, take charge, have some common sense. You were created in God's image, and He is strong, a warrior, powerful, protective. Be a man. I pray you respect others. Always know what you believe, and stand firm in that, but respect other's viewpoints. Love conquers all. I pray you always have one definitive source for truth in everything you seek and do: Scripture. We will try to demonstrate for you the right way to live, try to model good examples for you to model your life by, try to instill good moral for you. But we are sinful, and we will fail you. Always go back to the source of truth. He will never fail you or let you down. May all you do be grounded in His Word. I pray you and I will always be friends, but that you would understand the disciplenary role that I will be forced to take sometimes. I want to be your best bud, but I have to be your Father first and foremost. But I will always be here for you to talk to. And lastly, and most importantly, I pray that the Spirit is starting to work on your heart right now, even at your young age, to prepare it to accept the good news that is the Gospel. Ultimately, it is the most important thing in life, and the most important decision you will ever make. Follow Him, and don't turn back. This is my prayer for you...

the Artist

This silence with it's calming voice beckons me in. It's here that I see clearly, without hinderance, without indulgence. Just my soul, and there, no deeper, yet deeper still, yes there, springing from the very fibers of my core is He. The Lover. The Artist. And with broad strokes He moves, weaving the tapestry of my being with the detail and prudence of a master artisan. It's here that that I am transformed. It's here in the silence that I center my thoughts. Not around and idea, for He is the origin of thought. Not around a concept, for He is source of premise. No, but it is deeper. A calming reality that cannot be fully grasped; a conscious that can only be marvelled. Thoughts, that as lofty and ambitious as they may be, still, are considered but imperceptible when compared to His nature. But nonetheless I am drawn, not by a force of haughty ambitions, but by love. A love woven in the very tapestry of my being. He created me in His image, and it is the Master that beckons me here. I am drawn as a bride to her groom, longing for such intimacy as I have never experieced. And it is from this wellspring of beauty that I delight in. It is this foundation that I am anchored in. He is the origin of all that is lovely, all that is good, all that is. He is the origin of my being, of my soul. And it is here in this silence that I am still, and delight in Him.

You are fall...

Fall is my favorite time of the year, and lately I have been soaking up the weather, the colors, smells, and sights of autumn. What a perfect time of the year to reflect, to enjoy family, blessings, and to thank God for all He has done for us. Over the past few weeks, I have jotted down a few attributes of this season, and really meditated on them. God has revealed himself in such a fresh way by me taking time to "be still, and know He is God." Naturally, (and thankfully!) poetry started flowing from my soul, and I thought I would share. I penned this in a format that I have never written in before, sort of a visual cause/spiritual effect kind of way. I hope you enjoy...

"You are fall"

The morning sun, with arms of gold                                    
Displays it's noble light,                                                            
And strretches forth with glorious beams
As victor over night.

(You are fall, Your glory shines
  Like beams for all to see,
  Over night, and sin, and death,
  You've claimed the victory)

Through soaring pines and humble fields,
Swift breezes wake the soul
Of the fingerprints of splendor,
Leaves of green, and red, and gold.

(Spirit move, awake our souls,
 And You our power be,
 Your fame and splendor, majesty,
 May through us, people see.)

Like artisans the trees they lay
Their glory all around,
A quilt of color they prepare
For winter's frozen ground.

(As God, You on the tree there hung,
 Your glory You laid down,
 A quilt of grace Your blood has made
 Propitiation found.)

Thankful

Today, I'm going to be thankful. I am going to slow down and appreciate all the blessings in my life. I am going to smile more at people. I am going to be patient with everyone. I am going to enjoy the fall leaves, and all their color. I am going to enjoy every sip of good quality coffee. I am going to relish the time that I had at breakfast with my family this morning, laughing at Tucker as he hammed it up for all the people around us. I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather, and be thankful for the rain this past week. I am going to play with my dogs. I am going to appreciate my health, and the health of my family. I am going to thank God for His goodness and mercy. I am going to read some, and be grateful for the ability to enjoy a good book. I am going to play music, and be thankful for the gift of sound and music. I'm going to enjoy family, good food and football. I am going to talk to someone about Christ today. I will slow down a little and take in the beauty of creation, and let it speak to my soul. I will take some time to think of those who have impacted my life, and remember those who have gone on to be with the Lord, and thank Him for their legacy of love. I will prepare my heart for corporate worship tomorrow, and yearn to see friends, family, and brothers and sisters in Christ eager to meet with Him there. I am going to cherish my wife, and let her know how much she means to me. I am going to sit here and appreciate the smell of a coffee shop, as the aroma fills this room. I am going to thank God for America, and the freedoms we have here. I am going to love more. I am going to serve more. I am going to live more. And I will be thankful...

truth and public squares...

I don't really know if today was any different than any other day in the news realm, but I could not help but get sucked in to the blatent overall them today on the many networks. I tend to be a news junkie. Whenever I have a few minutes during the day, I love going to various websites, radio stations, tv channels, etc. to see what's going on in this fast paced, connected, global world we live in. It's our modern day public square. It's how people all around the world get facts, read about events, and to see what current issues will affect their lives in the near future. But today seemed a little different. A little biased. A little close to home. It seemed the church, christianity, and the Lord's work (I use that term loosely and firmly at the same time for various reasons) were all woven in to the tapestry of the majority of stories  I seemed to read about. First, with the Christians in Egypt under attack from the interim government, to the Presby USA church ordination of it's controversial clergy, to the Unitarian church here in Charlotte that held a blessing service for pets (filled with "hymns" centered around glorification of animals, rock and roll, and the "clergy's" name), to the GOP debate on the calling of Mormonism "a cult  (and how it is perceived with voters), to Tim Tebow and his polarizing stance for Christ, to the Iranian pastors life in the hands of the Iranian supreme judge, it seems that everything I was reading broke my heart for what I was seeing unfold in front of my very eyes. It should not have come as such a shock I guess, but the overall rejection of truth in our "modern day public square" just reminded me of Isaiah 59, and how the Lord must look at all of this. It says, starting in verse 9: "Therefore justice is far from us, and righteousness does not overtake us; we hope for light, and behold, darkness, and for brightness, but we walk in gloom. We grope for the wall like the blind; we grope like those who have no eyes; we stumble at noon as in the twilight, among those in full vigor we are like dead men. We all growl like bears; we moan and moan like doves; we hope for justice, but there is none; for salvation, but it is far from us. For our transgressions are multiplied before you, and our sins testify against us; for our transgressions are with us, and we know our iniquities: transgressing and denying the LORD, and turning back from following our God, speaking oppression and revolt, conceiving and uttering from the heart lying words. Justice is turned back and righteousness stands far away; for truth has stumbled in the public squares, and uprightness cannot enter. Truth is lacking, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. The LORD saw it, and it displeased him..." Wow. I had to repent. Truth is lacking in my world, in my generation, in my heart, and it convicted me to my core. Like Isaiah had stated previously when he realized his condition in the light of God's holiness in chapter 6, I repented of being a man of "unclean lips...in the midst of a people of unclean lips." It was all laid out there all day for me to think over. And what was  most frustrating, for me at least, was the fact that the main issue was not even being discussed, but was lost in the discussion of more trivial things. Yes, the calling of Romney's faith a "cult" was being talked about, but noone ever sought the truth about the statement the entire day. It was assumed that the statement was ill-timed, politically incorrect, and ill-advised. What the issue was about all day long was if the statement would help or hurt certain candidates in the polling. Where are we at as a nation? We say this is a stupid thing to say and then we think it is a travesty for Iran to martyr a pastor for his faith? Where is the standard? Are we really going to criticize a nation for their stance all-the-while demonizing religious freedom at home? Are we really going to act like we are concerned for brothers in Egypt being killed for who they worship while at the same time being tolerant and supportive of "churches" focusing more on  animals and creation than the One True God?  My heart was so saddened at the supportive, positive, and extensive interviews with the Presby minister all day. It was heralded as a great victory for God. A step toward enlightenment for the church. A victory for mankind. What they all forgot to mention was the truth. And to hear Him say that God has been his biggest supporter for the past decade was heresy. A tainting of His name. As I read the Truth in the Scriptures, I do not see that god. He isn't in there. He is Truth, and he is holy. I think the realization that was the plumbline to the heart of the matter was this. All day long, I would venture to say maybe 3-4 hours of news coverage, with all the clergy, rabbis, pastors, media, and politicians interviewed, not once, ONCE, did I hear any scripture quoted. We are so blessed by the freedom to go to His Word for truth in everything we see, but we as a nation have turned our back on Him. Don't believe me? Go to the public squares. It's the pulse of the body that we call our society. A lot of people are searching for Him there.

success...

Today was not a good day. At least from one perspective. I have been recovering from dental surgery, and although the pain and healing process has been much better than I expected, it still has got me down a little. Work wasn't the greatest either. Sometimes things are shown to you unexpectedly that really show you where you stand with people, or with organizations, or with circumstances. And today, it seemed that things from several vantage points were all coming down on me at once. I admit, I kinda shut down a little and internalized things, (like I always do) and I think that, although maybe not the best practice, it helps me to think things through and to prioritize situations. There have been several things this past week that have made me stop, and really be intentional on how I approach them, as opposed to just flying off the cuff and rushing into things. On one hand, it really made me proud of myself that I had the wisdom to handle it like I did, because Lord knows, I didn't want to. But that is where the positive aspects ended. I guess there comes a point in a man's life when he wants to know if he is valuable. If his work really matters. If he is excelling in what he does. If he is a leader. If he is, what we call, successful. And I have learned this week, (learned in my heart, not just in my head) that it truly depends on where you are looking, and who you find success in. As I said earlier, I got off work tonight and was really down. It felt like everything I had really worked for for the past few years did not matter one bit. Nothing went right, nobody seemed to notice anything I had been doing, and that I was running on empty, and had used all my efforts and energy to end up out of gas on a dead end road. Until tonight. I really hadn't planned on it, but my brother and I went to the mall to just hang out awhile. And as usual, we found ourselves wandering aimlessly around BooksAMillion. (after a stop at Starbucks of course)  I really had nothing to buy there, but I love books, and it felt right to just see what was there. I flipped through several books, and browsed the aisles for anything that caught my attention. And then God spoke to me. Through a bible cover? It might have well have been a flashing neon billboard right there in the middle of the store. (and what was I doing looking in the Bible covers anyway...I really dont care for them personally...) Right there in front of me, on the front of the cover was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (ESV)... I honestly wanted to cry right then and there...but I couldn't. Tanner was right there, and I would never hear the end of it. Anyways, I came home and went to Jeremiah, and kept reading... "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (vs 12-13). What a great passage, and what a greater hope. He knows our future, and He has a plan for me. I needed to hear that tonight, and His word was faithful and in perfect harmony with his will for me this week. I just have to remain faithful in what He has called me to do, no matter how small I think His plans may be. It's in Christ I find true success and in Him I find a hope and calling for my life. And I'll be the first to admit, it's hard...really really hard to trust in that sometimes. My ways are definitely not His ways, and sometimes it takes big events to chip away at my pride so I can see this. But He is faithful. I will be the first to admit it, I don't have all the answers, and I confess, that I doubt my leadership abilities more than anyone. I have a hard time looking past my failures and shortcomings, but this one thing I do know. He has a plan for me, a plan for life of hope and meaning. And He has one for you. Success.. it's not found in a job, or money, or status, or influence. It's found in Jeremiah 29: 13...when we seek Him with our whole heart...