Have you ever been in place where nothing made sense, and nothing seems right, but you feel you are there for a reason? Welcome to my world. Sometimes I feel that I read too much into things, over-analyze I guess you could say. And yet another part of me says, "If you are feeling the discontent, then you know that God is working something in and through you...it's better than being numb..." We read scripture, and we believe the stories of big miracles, big faith, and big stories, and yet we dont believe in Him to work in the same way through us. It's hard, and I'm preaching to the choir here. And it's even harder to give up control of everything to Him. Everything. Every little thing. I have for years sang the songs about surrender, abandonment, and faith, but wanted to hold my reigns. It doesnt work. At all. But through all the confusion, soul-searching, and discontent, something amazing is happening. I cant quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but it is freeing my soul. Maybe the Lord put me in this desert to draw me into a place where He is all I have. Maybe he sent me here to prepare for whatever He has in store for me. Whatever that is.
I took a walk last night...a walk that been WAY overdue. Just me...and God...and alot of critters that I tried to ignore...It was just a great time of communication, of repentace. Just everthing about that 30 minutes seemed ordained from above. The perfect fall night, the smell of burning wood in the air, the stars and moon shining brighter than ever, the wind whipping, the crickets singing. It was an experience that my senses desperately needed to take in. Not that nature was behaving any different than usual, but that I cried, laughed, and talked to God and let Him awaken my soul to enjoy what He created for me to enjoy. It was in this moment that I knew that even though nothing seems right lately, and even though I feel a million miles away from where I should be, God had me there for a reason. If nothing else, to draw me to this place in time to take a walk with Him, and enjoy His presence.
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