pictures in time...

I don't know if the holiday season is bringing out the reflective and sentimental part of me or what, but lately, flashbacks to my childhood and even more current memories have been popping up in my head. I like to think of them as pictures in time. An invisible album that, Lord willing, I can hold on to as long as I am alive. And not just visual memories either. Some smells and sounds can take you back to a place in time just as easy. It's so easy to forget the small things that made you who you are. Yes, there are the major things that shape you, and influence our lives in big ways, but recently, I have started to see that it is the combination of the everyday little things that have more of an impact on who you really are. Having that said, I started writing these little things down as I thought of them, and thought it would be great to share with friends and family. Some of these may even be the same ones that you cherish, or possibly have even forgotten, but I have found out that writing them out has opened a floodgate of things that I have not thought about in years. These could be actual events, or real things, or even just an emotion, but nevertheless all equal in my heart. These are just a few examples:

-I loved running barefoot in the summer at Grandma Collins house. Whether chasing each other, playing soccer, or baseball, I always loved the cold grass on my feet. (Despite the many bee stings)

-I would give anything to have one more Sunday afternoon a Grandma Long's house. The smell of her kitchen, playing with all my cousins, and the sound of her window a/c when taking a quick nap before choir practice is just some of the few things that many of us took for granted all those years.

-Meeting half the family after church at Harward's Fish Camp in Richfield. Man I miss that place!

-Every time I have a Sundrop or chew Double Bubble, I'm right back at Mcallister or Frank Liske  watching the "Rude Dogs" play softball. (While we rolled down that big hill!)

-Ever time I have a Cherry Lemon Sundrop, I'm right back at the old Troutman's BBQ on a Sunday night after church.

-I still love the smell of freshly plowed dirt, and tractor fumes (thanks Gpa!)

-I would have loved to have played guitar with Gpa Long, if just once...

-I use to love going with Dad and Gma Long down to the river to pick wild onions. To me, it might as well have been going on a vacation. Every time I see or smell one I think of that

-The trip my Dad took me on to Santee Cooper was one of the best weekends of my life

-I will never forget the feeling I had when I "shot" my first shotgun...(wow!)

-Looking back, the "4th pew and up" rule wasn't so bad after all Mom...

-There will never be another smell like the hallway at Bethany (or Forestview) Baptist. Call me crazy, but you could blindfold me, and take me there, and I would know exactly where I was. The combination of the block walls, glue of the old tiled floor, and the carpet made it a distict place. Side note: I loved the way the sun would hit that stained glass on the front on Sunday afternoons at dusk...the mixture of colors on that brick was so inviting...

-I used to love walking out to the shed behind Gpa Collins house late at night to watch Mike do his models. I think of him, and that workshop everytime I smell paint thinner

-On cold, icy nights at the Hickory Grove house, our family use to pile in one bed, by the window, and watch cars wreck at the intersection. Yes, we are crazy, and a bit demented, but may have been of the most fun things we ever did together!

-I loved playing bass with Mom's piano. More fun than any band or group I have ever played in.

-I still can't drink orange juice without thinking of the Disney trip...(thanks alot Mike!)

-I still smile when I think of riding in the back of the old red Ford. That truck was the best.

-I use to love cruising with my uncle Mike Rabon in his old black Chevy Bel-air to the old Cabarrus Creamery on Saturdays and Sundays

-The smell of a woodstove will always make me long to be at Gpa Collins house. There's nothing like that smell. (despite the unbearable heat it puts out!)

-Shooting mistetoe out of the trees before thanksgiving meal at Gma Longs house was always neat to me a a child

-There will never be any better candy in the world than some hard candy from a ziplock bag from Gma Long's purse during the middle of a sermon

-My Mom will always have the best potato salad in the world

-My senior year was the most difficult, but most rewarding year of my life. I learned more and grew more that year because of the trials than I ever would have if I had not faced them.

-It still doesn't seem right to not have the Cabarrus County fair at the "triangle." Despite space issues, I liked it better there

-There's no bigger smile on my face than when I hear, by chance, one of the old "quartet" songs on the radio. Those songs will always be special to me.

These are some some of the examples of things that I have written down, and I hope to sit down and share many more, but just wanted to share these. I would love to hear feedback from family and friends, and to hear some other memories and "pictures in time" that others would be glad to read! I love each and every one of you, and by no means is this an exhaustive list, or my favorites. Like I said, there are many more, (even more special to me), that I did not list, but for sleep purposes, I will end this list here. I would love to hear from you!

an inconvenient snow...

Most people who have spent alot of time with me during the winter know that I hate snow. I can't stand it. It's cold, messy, and disrupts everything.  I guess this stems from one thing: it is inconvenient. It disrupts my normal activities, dictates schedules, and compromises safety. Yes, I have always thought that it was beautiful, but never had I valued the beauty of it more than the inconvenience that it brought with it...until this week. It was one of those cold nights, and I had just fed the dogs. Usually I head right in the house, especially when it is 10 degrees outside and 2 inches of snow on the ground. But for some reason I put on a couple more layers of clothing and headed back outside to just watch it snow. I sat there on the bed of the truck and for just a moment, just enjoyed the snow. It was almost as if I had to put my life and priorities on pause and just soak up the beauty and peacefulness of the moment. And that moment put such an amazing picture of what God has been trying to show me lately in focus. I just had to push pause and see it. It was the most real picture of sanctification that I had ever seen. The Lord wants to sanctify me. To cleanse me. And just like the blanket of snow covering all the lanscape around the house, He wants to cover my imperfections, my unholiness. But like the frozen condensation all around me, I have not allowed the process of justification to permeate my soul for one reason: inconvenience. It's not always easy to live by faith. In fact it's impossible. And just like my inability to control the weather, so is my inability to become the righteousness of God by my own power. And no, it may not be the most convenient lifestyle to live, but the peace He gives is more satisfying than the luxuries of this world, more beautiful than the first winter snow.

life...

What a journey we have been on lately. I want to first say a happy 6 month old birthday to our Tucker! I cannot believe that it has been half a year since God gave him to us. It has definitely been a change for us, transitioning into parenthood, but oh how blessed we are! Now many people think that I am biased, or have a conflict of interest, but in my opinion, we have the best behaving, cutest, most personable baby there has ever been. Just saying... I went in the nursery earlier and was just watching him sleep and the rush of emotions hit me all of a sudden. Everything from his delivery day, to Julie's pregnancy, to thoughts back to my earliest childhood memories flashed in my mind. There is something about having a kid that makes you understand and appreciate your parents a little more. The sacrifices, the joys, the tears, and the love are all seen in a different light all of a sudden. God created Tucker just the way He wanted him, a reflection of His beauty and glory. My prayer tonight was that Tucker would grow up and live boldly fo God's glory, as His son, reflecting His majesty, and extending His grace to others. I also prayed that I would be the father that Julie and he needs me to be, and that God has predestined me to become. Other than that, it's all about being obedient to His will for our lives as a family.

Which brings me to my next subject. Obedience. God has led me to a place of complete surrender and dependency on Him in the past few weeks. See, I had never given up complete control of things, ever. There was always one hand still on the reigns. This was always convenient. It was comfortable. It was also moraly caustic and anti-God. And that realization stung, but humbled me. I've come to the realizaion that being obedient to His will for our lives sometimes requires us to give up the things that come between us and Him. It may be material things, it may be status. It may even be things that we thought we couldn't live without. But nevertheless He is in the process of stripping me of those things. And all I have left is to trust in Him. In his book "Sun Stand Still," Steven Furtick alludes to the fact that many Christians want radical faith, huge blessings, and great miricles, but do not realize that seeking His will for our lives may require us giving up everything we hold dear. Its obedience he says...God wants to replace those things which do not bring Him glory with those things that will. Wow did I need to hear that. It definitely puts circumstances, trials, and bad fortunes in a different light. The Christian life is not about less pain. Most likely you'll suffer greatly. But the grace and peace that He extends to us is greater than any trial could ever be. We just have to be obedient and have faith...for He is faithful.

a passion for compassion...

Alot of times in life, we tend to have a very selfish view of "problems." In the past few days, the Lord has used some situations in my life to expose this area of my soul. As some of you know, truck problems have plagued my last week and a half. Long story short, four reapair visits, three tows, and alot of inconvenience. Now, having that said, God has been so faithful through it all, and we have not had a situation where Tucker and Julie have been stranded or in any way in danger, so that is a blessing. But when a situation like this draws out over and over, we tend to think we have problems, no matter how positive we stay about the situation. But then came the other night. Let me start out by saying Julie loves Private Practice. I like it too, I just try to not get hooked on everything she watches. Well, if any of you watched it, then you can understand just how powerful and emotional that episode was. The episode was about sexual assault. I have seen movies and tv shows before dealing with this topic, but never like this. I guess it brought a perspective from the victim that I had never seen before. Most of the time it's more of a pity perspective from the outsiders view, or the horrible effects of it. But the emotional angle from the victim was unreal. And I couldn't get the images and thoughts from it out of my mind. I dreamed about it, I thought about it at work, I talked to Julie about it. It was difficult, I guess, to stomach it all day. That got me thinking about what I perceived as "problems." I have a healthy family, food on the table, great job, and no real big emotional scars. As my mind went on about a million different rabbit trails on situations that I knew of personally that were alot bigger of a deal than a stupid truck, I was convicted of my lack of compassion for people. As many of you know, I am a huge believer in personal responsibility, and sometimes I let the ideas of "life is about choices" and "you reap what you sow" build an emotional wall up around me. And that is wrong. People are seriously hurting. Many of them might even deserve it, but it still hurts the same. There are many of you that might be going through things that I cannot even imagine, and the thing is I would never even know. On Friday, this changed my perspective at work, and with customers. If I can show them love, and instill hope in them, in some way or form, then who knows how that can impact someone for the better. We just don't know what other people may be going through. So that led to this. What I am about to write is all rooted in some issues, topics, and real life situations that have been exposed to me recently. Now, I have to say, I do not know what people may be going through that read this, and I hope that this does not open wounds in a bad way, but to instill a perspective that I think needs to be shared...

She looks in the mirror
As she sheds another tear
And the decades of hell she's been living in
Has only been a year

The solitary torture
Has let fear command her soul
She doesn't want your useless pity
She just wants to be made whole

But every time she shuts her eyes
She can see her assaulters face
And what he took from her that night
No words can ever replace

And she cries...


He sees you almost everyday
You waive as you pass by
 Many times he's almost asked you
But for him he'd rather die

For his mortgage is not the issue
It's for his baby girl
Too see her out of ICU
He'd give up his whole world

But ever since the complications
It seems he has no world at all
For the other half of himself
Is in a bed just down the hall

And he cries...


It's been years since he left her
And the pain just will not die
Not that it's him she misses
Just someone that's by her side

Someone that she can lean on
And to their heart be dear
But since the day he ripped hers
No soul has she come near

And she tells herself these days are gone
As she lays her dreams to rest
No one could love her balding head
And scar across her breast

And she cries...


And from His throne in glory
Angels dancing all around
Over all the praise and celebration
No one else there heard the sound

The sound of pain and suffering
Heavenly hosts can't understand
But this King rules His kingdom
With nail scars on His hand

And to the cries of the broken
He turns His attentive ear
For He's conquered all our suffering
He's dried up all our tears

And He reaches down with loving arms
To give His daughter life
Anf He pays the bills of His son
And heals his daughter and  his wife

To His daughter he draws her closer
And says you now are cancer free
And if you're wishing for a lover of your soul
There's no lover as good as Me.



Guys lets start showing God's love to others. Lets have a passion for compassion. It may mean the world to someone...

cotton candy in the rearview...

Living almost an hour away from your work leaves alot of time for listening to music, for prayer, for...thinking. Alot of thinking and reflecting and drinking coffee. Yesterday was no exception. After a trying weekend, and rough Monday, I was in an unusually positive mood for a Tuesday. Thinking back to the trouble I had with my truck the past week, I was reflecting on just what I could learn and how I could see God working through it all. Situations could have been worse, as I was driving it, and my parents had come in for the weekend, so we had extra hands and wheels. I was reflecting on how it all seemed to work out in the end, and (you were right mom and dad) how something that seemed so bad at the time, seemed so petty now. It just so happened that it was sunrise as well. And due to me living east of my work, to watch the sunrise, I have to look in the rearview mirror. Yesterday's sky was unbelievable. Pinks, blues, and oranges splashed the morning sky, and to me it looked like God had thrown cotton candy all over the earth. Now ahead, it was pitch black, and kind of foggy. And ahead was a long 10 hour day. My mind was racing with thoughts of everything that could go wrong, and probably would, that day.  I found myself repeatedly looking back at the sunrise. It was much more inviting. It was visible. It was compelling. Ahead, the dark road seemed a little creepy as I wound down the mountain roads. Then everything started to make sense. This is what God was teaching me. I was looking in the rearview mirror of my life for direction, for happiness. But what is behind us is behind us. It is there for us to just reflect on. We cant see down the road ahead, but He wants us to pursue Him with everything we have. And just like employment, all we have to do is serve, be faithful, and give it all we have. Even though we may be going down roads in total darkness, when all is said and done, we'll look back and it will be all blue skies and cotton candy...

the midnight walk...

Have you ever been in place where nothing made sense, and nothing seems right, but you feel you are there for a reason? Welcome to my world. Sometimes I feel that I read too much into things, over-analyze I guess you could say. And yet another part of me says, "If you are feeling the discontent, then you know that God is working something in and through you...it's better than being numb..." We read scripture, and we believe the stories of big miracles, big faith, and big stories, and yet we dont believe in Him to work in the same way through us. It's hard, and I'm preaching to the choir here. And it's even harder to give up control of everything to Him. Everything. Every little thing. I have for years sang the songs about surrender, abandonment, and faith, but wanted to hold my reigns. It doesnt work. At all. But through all the confusion, soul-searching, and discontent, something amazing is happening. I cant quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but it is freeing my soul. Maybe the Lord put me in this desert to draw me into a place where He is all I have. Maybe he sent me here to prepare for whatever He has in store for me. Whatever that is.

I took a walk last night...a walk that been WAY overdue. Just me...and God...and alot of critters that I tried to ignore...It was just a great time of communication, of repentace. Just everthing about that 30 minutes seemed ordained from above. The perfect fall night, the smell of burning wood in the air, the stars and moon shining brighter than ever, the wind whipping, the crickets singing. It was an experience that my senses desperately needed to take in. Not that nature was behaving any different than usual, but that I cried, laughed, and talked to God and let Him awaken my soul to enjoy what He created for me to enjoy. It was in this moment that I knew that even though nothing seems right lately, and even though I feel a million miles away from where I should be, God had me there for a reason. If nothing else, to draw me to this place in time to take a walk with Him, and enjoy His presence.

Thoughts today...

Today I had alot on my mind. Without going into too many details, there has been some interesting things going on in my life lately. Between work and personal life, it seems like alot of things lately have been floating around in my head, most of it currently unresolved. I know God is in control, so that gives me some hope when I start to think of every possible thing that could happen, or every circumstance that could alter our lives. The good thing is, God definitely gave me a boost today with an answer to prayer. It wasn't a major request, but one that definitely reaffirmed my faith in Him. Sometimes its the little things that can impact your outlook on life more than the major ones.  As I was driving to work this morning, and, as I just said, alot of things were on my mind, I was searching for something that would focus my mind on something bigger than what worries were on my mind. A quote from a sermon that Clint Pressley preached awhile back popped in my mind, and reminded me how my perspectives were off. He said that when held up to God's power and greatness, our "complicated" situations seem petty. It just reminded me that the problem I am having is that I am looking at situations from my abilities and perspectives. The greater He is, the smaller my problems are. The smaller I become, the more glory He gets. The more glory He recieves, the greater the blessings on my life are. I think alot of times, we underestimate the capability and faithfulness of God to handle every aspect of our lives. It's nothing new, and so many times do we not turn to Him and surrender our problems and worries. It was then that some lyrics to a song that came on my ipod hit me like a ton of bricks. I had heard the song many times before, but this time it was like they shot straight out of the speakers and directly to my heart and soul. They went like this:

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…He loves me...

(David Crowder)

He loves me...and here I am torturing myself with "what-ifs" and worrying about the future. He offers grace and peace, and I intend accept the gift. His love has been given, and redemption has been paid for. He is my God, and He is enough...

freedom...

I have felt freedom, if only for a moment. The absence of the symbol changed me, but somehow did not define me. I was naked, alone. But free. Free from all the weight of the load I brought to this place, yet unprotected by the walls I had built around this dirty flesh. I felt miserable. I felt refreshed. The psychological imbalance of the two somehow satisfied my appetite, and enabled my soul to feel again. It was here that the anotomical divorce was brewing. My heart longed for affinity, my soul, for withdrawal. And they were both right. The polarity of the two needed each other. Then the spherical property of the absent symbol reminded me why this separation had never made logical sense before. The selfish desires of each side had long been in war with each other as to who was the positive force, and who was negative. But since the physical attributes of polar opposites attract each other, the Creator must have made them both positive. They can coexist in one form, but will always be pulling in opposite directions, searching for a negative to counterbalance. My heart and soul may both be searching for its freedom from each other, and I have come to realize that it's ok. I have searched my heart, and it is good. I have searched my soul, and it is good. I have felt freedom, if only for a moment...

random thoughts...

          ok, so i've decided to write about some random things that have been going through my mind the past few days, and just some random info about what has been going on...

          lately, i have been reading some books that are the little out of the norm from my usual reading, and i have really enjoyed them. one especially has been very interesting. its called "a boy should know how to tie a tie"... very interesting book about things that men now do not do or think about, and how they can take better pride in themselves as well as plan for success. from how you value yourself, how you dress, cleanliness, organization, health and diet issues, and so on, it is just a great book that i believe would be great for all young men and boys to read...it really made me thankful for my father, as alot of points in the book that the author alludes to, my father did instill in me...as well as my mother, grandparents, etc... what i figured would be a book of good things to teach tucker, turned out to be a kick in the pants for me to take pride in myself a little more and take better care of my health and body...another book i have been into is called "shop class as soulcraft"...pretty good book about how learning a trade and having general mechanical knowledge is a lost art in america now...speaks about the danger in education being all "head knowledge" without any actual mechanical trades being learned...well written, and pretty clever...ill update this one as i progress with it...

           on the music front, i have been highly impressed with some of my latest purchases...passion's "awakening" cd, while not their best in my opinion, is still pretty good...i also have been loving david phelps "best of" cd...if you have not heard him, you should...in my opinion, the best voice in the business, bar none...his version of nessun dorma is nothing short of a worship experience...chillbumps and teary eyes almost every time...my sister megan also sent me her church's new cd...she goes to elevation church in charlotte...i have heard alot about the church and alot of great things are going on there...i am pretty critical of music, so i really popped it in the cd player to listen through it real quick, and i was shocked!...nothing about it sounded like a cheesy low budget santcuary-recorded album...very well produced, and a great worship experience...i would say their sound is between david crowder and coldplay...(which is not a bad thing, believe me)...and last but not least, my favorite has been dave barnes new album "what we want, what we get"...i cannot stop listening to it...such a great cruising album...sounds somewhere between old school clay crosse soulful, and john mayer bluesy...highly recommend this one...

          ok, random thought tonight: Julie has got to stop watching food network 24-7...here's why...i am currently on atkins to drop some weight, and have been doing really good on it, and haven't "cheated" yet...but if i keep walking past the tv and see all this unbelievably great looking food, i am going to have to go raid the bakery!...no, really, i have lost about 30 lbs so far, and feel much better than i used to, and i give her a hard time about tempting me all the time...the sad thing is, i may just have one of the best cooks i have ever known as my wife, and am not "utilizing her talents" to the fullest...oh well...

         anyways, we are doing great, life is busy, and tucker is growing like a weed, but we are doing our best to slow down and enjoy these moments...he is getting so big, and before you know it, he will be walking around here...we truly are so blessed, as the Lord has provided us with good health, steady jobs, and a safe place to live, which is more than we deserve...
         

back to normal...

Julie and Tucker just got back in safely from their 5 day trip to Charlotte. I am thankful that they got to spend some time with both sides of the family, and especially suprise Rhonda on Grandparents Day at the school...Julie was so excited about being there...despite parking at the bank across the street so Rhonda would not see her truck, and me getting a call from CMPD about seeing if my truck was stolen after searching it and running the tags for a TN plate...it is all so funny now, but things could have gone really wrong. Lets just say, I always carry "protection" in the truck, and it just so happened that the officer that responded was one of my parents good friends, and knew to call my parents house first, and tell them to come move it before it got towed and impounded. It all worked out, but if they had searched it properly, as is protocol, then it could have been a very messy situation for Julie having a concealed weapon in the truck...just another way that the Lord has been looking over us lately...last night i enjoyed my last "free" evening at starbucks reading and journaling...man, i miss hanging out at coffee shops, it just not is always convenient for me to do that alot...(seeing that the nearest starbucks is almost an hour away from our house)...i dont know what i enjoyed more, having time to relax and read, or not having to drink nasty, generic coffee...(sorry folgers, s&d, and maxwell house, but again, you fail)...anyways, life is getting back to normal, and it is great having Julie and Tucker back home...he grew so much in 5 days!...we both got to witness his first "rollover" tonight on the bed...what an awesome moment! He is growing up so fast, and it is just nice to slow down and enjoy those special moments together...I was thinking last night at Starbucks about how I was missing them, and the thought occured to me about what goes through the Lords mind when I do not commune with Him for certain spells, and it really broke my heart. Even though Julie was not with me, we still spoke numerous times a day, and we both yearned to have as much communication with each other as possible (phone, pics, skype, etc...) Yet His spirit is always with me, tugging at my soul, trying to speak to me and offer me grace and peace, and yet I find myself shrugging Him off until a more convenient time. How he must feel, as the Bridgroom who is shunned by His bride, and how it never changes His thoughts about me. His love never wanes, never quivers, never fails. He does not ever second guess me...He just keeps pursuing my heart with more vigor than ever...He believes in me when I dont believe in Him...how can I not give him all the Glory?

bittersweet emotions...

Julie and Tucker took off for Charlotte on Wednesday morning, leaving me the house to myself for a few days...5 days to be exact...it has given me some much needed free time to enjoy some things that i have not got to do in awhile...going golfing this weekend, and last night i went to books-a-million and enjoyed a cup of coffee while browsing through some new reading material...although i am enjoying some extra time, having them away, especially with all our family there, only makes me miss them more...its amazing how a baby changes your perspectives in life...i am so thankful for Tucker, his health, and the incredible opportunity that God has given Julie and I as parents to mold him into who HE wants him to be...Julie has been such a great wife through the entire process as well...I could not even imagine my life without them in it, and I thank God everyday that HE has blessed me with everything HE has given me...because, Lord knows, I dont deserve it...I am reading a daily devotional by David Jeremiah that you pray scriptures everyday, and just wanted to share something that encouraged me today...Sept 17th- "a bruised reed HE will not break and a dimly burning wick HE will not extinguish" (Isaiah 42:3)...I am so thankful for a God that does not ever give up on me when i turn from Him to focus on what I feel is better for me...so many times i feel like a bruised reed that has been damaged by the winds of life, and it would be so easy, (and justfied) for Him to snap me in two, and discard me like an unwanted weed, and yet, by His grace and mercy and love for me, He is always there to nurse my heart back to a loving, healthy relationship with Him...dont we serve an awesome God?

Welcome to the front porch...

...my favorite place in the world. A place where family and friends are always welcome anytime. Stories will be told, pictures will be shared, and memories will be made. Most of all, its a place, that no matter how many miles are between us, will make us feel together again...