The Winter Longing

The Winter Longing -Trey Long

The garden is grown and barren, void of plenty and eld,

And my heart is passing heavy, all contentment withheld 

Thistles and lies, thorns and cries, assail the longing senses,

Instead of growing roses, I mend masquerading fences

Yet spring waits in longing, not by time or accustomed measure, 

But by necessary motion, and revitalizing  pleasure

Dear God, it was a good day

Dear God, it was a good day.


Nothing special in particular, but all the same special in every way. The sun was shining, and my family is healthy. (After the week we had with Mack, this hit home with me today) As I pulled into the driveway this evening, I saw my beautiful wife, all dressed out in her scrubs. On any other day, this may not have meant much, but today, the realization of employment, financial security, of the blessing of hard work and income, they all flooded my mind. There she was in the driveway, just picked the boys up from daycare: a place of learning, of safety, of stability, of You-centered education, of love. We aren't rich by any means, but what we have been so freely given of you has enabled us to return the boys to You, a modern day Samuel story, a Hannah type mentality for us to be blessed with immersing them in a culture of peace and hope for the future.


Outside enjoying the afore-mentioned weather, there they were with huge grins on their faces when they saw me drive up. (ok, so Tucker was riding his bike, but I'll still go with the idea that he was excited for me to be there) As I stepped out, Mack comes running to be with all the joy and excitement that I remember feeling when I was young and my Dad came up from work- yes, even driving a Ferguson truck like me) Here I was, 33 years old, seeing the other side of the picture. For so long I have kept these memories hidden in a treasured place, and now I was right there, my time to experience the joy of treasuring new memories and passing them along to a new generation- one that someday will pull into the driveway and see more little faces, sent by You, made for You. It was only 4 days ago, that little Mack was outstretched on a hospital ICU bed, hooked up to all sorts of wires, machines, and tubes. It is a scary, lonely place. A place where you feel helpless and fearful, but here he was running towards me with outstretched arms without a care in the world, but just happy to see his Father. It was then that I realized that despite all his faults, immaturity, and lack of life experiences, the only thing that mattered was that he loved me, and that he wanted me. I now know how you must feel when I come running. And for that, I am thankful for every life experience and trial You put us through. Its these moments I realize that in every little detail of our lives, you are just showing us what it is to love, and be loved.


I walked into a house that I don't deserve. Full of things I don't need. Surrounded by frivolities I can live without, but You have given out of Your abundance and lavished me and my family with blessings I could never comprehend. As I looked around, books everywhere, school supplies thrown in the hall, pictures and art half hanging off the refrigerator, Matchbox cars reminding me at every step that this is home. Not the grandest of places, but a place where boys can play and learn, and be loved. A place where discipline can be taught, but grace extended. This sanctuary of life You have given us is just another example of Your grace and mercy toward us. And for that, I am eternally thankful.


I also got to see my parents tonight. Yes, it started out with a quick trip to pickup shelves from their garage (to put things in... You know, all those things I really don't deserve) but after a few hours of talking, a few sweet teas down the line, and jamming to some Carolina beach music, what seemed like an ordinary drop in seemed more like a divine-orchestrated time of relaxation and enjoyment. It's funny how things like that work. As I get older, and life moves at a faster and faster pace every year, Lord may I always find the time for things like tonight. For laughs. For music. And definitely Momma's sweet tea...


I also wanted to tell you "Thank You" for blessings and victories at work. You know this has been a rewarding, but tough year for me. After seeming to lose battle after battle, things are turning around. It was a long, tough, tiring day, but things are looking up. We are heading in the right direction. I appreciate you hearing my prayers and giving us some personal and relational victories. It was a good day...


It just seemed that no matter what I did today, what I experienced, who I came in contact with, what I saw, that there was hope and joy in the air. (and pollen, but I'll take the good and bad) Thank You for showing me the joy in the small things today. Thank You for sending certain songs at the right time. Thank You for my health, my job, my family. Thank You for all the things I don't deserve, and also not getting some that I do deserve. Thank You for happiness, for kindness -for new opportunities. Thank You for great food and sweet tea. Thank You for a network of friends and family to support me. Thank You for the opportunity to live in the greatest country on earth (and may we never take our freedoms and the opportunities You give us for granted). Thank You for little boys on bikes, and beach music. Thank You for this and much much more...


...Dear God, it was a good day

Realizations and Reflections...

I just wanted to write a quick post to say how truly blessed I am and to encourage each and every one of you to stop for just a minute and be thankful for everything- yes everything- that each day brings. I know the holiday season brings a lot of emotions and feelings out of people, and I am no exception. Its something about this season that really gets me to stop what I am doing and evaluate all the blessings in my life, as well as my extended family and friends'. The past week, I have made it a point to just get out of my comfort zone and read and explore people's situations from all walks of life, all religions, all nationalities, all circumstances. Some have been a good experience, made especially easy during the holiday season with all the media coverage of good deeds, warm fuzzy feel-good stories, family get-togethers, etc... Videos that brought good tears: Of military families being reunited by surprise; people loving on those less fortunate, sacrificing time, money, and resources to help those in need; families receiving "Christmas miracles" for medical diagnosis of a loved one; and even from something as an ordinary hug from one of my boys. But my heart also hurts for multitudes of people who are hurting, who don't know the peace and love that this season represents, that need a break, that are desperately hanging by a thread. It doesn't seem fair to me, and I know I'm not the first to struggle with these issues, but life is too precious to take it- and all the little moments in it- for granted. This week I have been gripped by the images and stories of orphaned, forgotten children. Some of the stories have been from other countries. You've seen them: the starving, neglected children on tv that just rips your heart out. But mostly I have been burdened by the domestic stories, the kids growing up with no "forever family." YouTube video after YouTube video of their stories and perspectives that just puts a lump in your throat seeing their spirits crying out for love and acceptance, only to bounce around from temporary house to another, year after year, slowly losing hope. I have read accounts of terror from across the globe. Children losing their lives because of their religious beliefs, law enforcement murdered by madmen, people fighting, injuring, and even killing each other because of different viewpoints. Lives of families and loved ones changed forever because of incidents out of their control. We had a customer of ours at work lose everything he owned in a freak house fire a few weeks back.  It was just story after story of people that are hurting this time of year, and in the midst of all the good, fun, joyous festivities that my family and I have been privileged enough to enjoy, I miss so many opportunities to help those in need.


I didn't write this to dampen any holiday spirit that you may have, but just to encourage you to stop right now and appreciate everything that you have been taking for granted. Your spouse perhaps. (Lord knows, when I have to take care of my boys alone, my appreciation for all she does goes out the roof!!!) Your children. (Those little boogers can drive me crazy sometimes, but they are the most precious gift I have ever been given...) Your job, your health, your freedom, your talents. Even the experiences of a tough time in your life that has made you who you are today. Hold tight to those things and don't take them for granted.


Take a few minutes to step outside of your comfort zone and "Google" some people, topics, news events, and societal situations today. Maybe find a cause that you can help out with, an organization you can support, a living hell that you can lift up in prayer, a child that you can adopt.


And go hug your little ones...

Matchbox cars and mutual funds

Sometimes life is so hectic that when moments of silent reflection come, those moments hit you like a ton of bricks. We forget that we are programmed to get away from it all and reflect on things from time to time. Meditating, reflecting, whatever you want to call it, hurts sometimes. I am not saying it is all bad things, but that it is sometimes a very personal, painful reminder of the humanity and fragility of our situations. I think that is why we stay so busy, so preoccupied with activity, so that we will not be haunted by the voices of our shortcomings as they can be usually drowned out by life and leisure.


Tonight I was sitting on my couch, with my entire family sound asleep, and just had some music in the background. (Ok, so this is pretty much every night of my life) I usually take this time to read, to write music, or browse social media, but tonight, I just took some time to stop and meditate on life, and where I am on my journey. Career, finances, family, calendar events, social responsibilities, personal struggles, reflections on scripture, regrets, everything was on the table. Things I said to my boys today, how I handled my tone in disciplining them, how I treated and if I brought honor and respect to my wife, how I conducted myself at work, how I honored (or didn't honor) Christ with how I handled my money, how I budgeted my time, how I conducted myself in those times when no one but God sees what I do, what I am doing to establish and cultivate a cultural/spiritual/family heritage to pass along to my children and hopefully their children down the road, and so on... To be honest, I really don't know what to do with this much information all at once. How in the world am I really supposed to even kid myself about worrying about mutual fund growth, and navigating the financial landscape for my family when I cannot even navigate around my living room without having to avoid land mines of die-cast cars? How are Daddys supposed to instill values character and have all the right answers for two little boys that look up to him when Daddy is just as unsure as they are? Sure I know most of the words to say, know how to handle myself in most situations, but the reality of life is, (I'm finding out) is that everyone is just as dependent on grace and mercy as anyone else, no matter where they are in life or spiritual journey. Humility in regard to my spiritual leadership, as Matthew 18:2-4 reflects, must be modeled in my life with humility. I am learning to treat every new day with the same fresh child-like humility when it comes to my need of His grace and mercy in my life.


This being said I still am scared to death of screwing up. I stay up many nights thinking of my life, and how one little slip, one mistake would devastate my life, and impact the life of my family. I am to much of a realist, and not naive to think that I am above anything. One look, one bad decision could ruin my marriage. One decision, one moment of indiscretion could cost me my job. One act of carelessness could impact the lives of my wife, my children or complete strangers. I think this has been a reason, in the past, that I have typically been afraid of church leadership, of commitment, of radical faith. I know myself, how bad of an addictive personality I have a tendency to lean on, and I still struggle with these things to this very day. Not just for me, but for the reputation of my family as well, I still struggle with the thought of screwing up so badly that a lifetime of hurt and consequences follow. I know this may not be the best way to approach his story, but because of all this, I love to read the story of Peter. Bold, boisterous, headstrong, a born leader. And also the biggest failure when the first true test of faith and loyalty came. Peter, the rock that Christ built his church upon, and how Christ reconciled him, his story is just so encouraging to me when I get overwhelmed with the many responsibilities I have as a father, husband, manager, and child on God, and how no matter what comes in life, what decisions you make, and what regrets you have, His forgiveness will always be more than enough to reconcile you back to Him. This does not guarantee a lifetime of success or holiness, but it does provide hope to me knowing how desperate I am for His guidance and help.


This is just but some of the thoughts I had tonight, and much more is running through my head, but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on this to encourage someone to just slow down and really see what God is trying to tell you. Sometimes He works through grand events, and huge plans, and sometimes He uses the small things in life to refocus our lives. It doesn't have to come from careers, but sippy cups. He doesn't always get your attention with mutual funds, sometimes He uses Matchbox cars...




-Trey

Kamel...

I dont think I have ever felt the Spirit of the Lord so present as I have tonight. As I write, it is 1AM, and I have just finished up an hour and a half conversation with a man named Kamel. Kamel is hurting. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. As I approched him at the front door of Amelies, he was stumbling. I had just got done speaking with a distraught homosexual guy that was really unreceptive to a conversation of any kind. He had just had a huge fight with his friend, and had his head down crying outside at a table alone. We briefly talked and as the conversation went nowhere I asked him if I could pray for him, and he responded with "no, I'm good." I was a little down, as I was really praying that this would be an opportunity to share the gospel. Thats when I saw Kamel, looking to me as a typical drunk man trying to hold himself up. Not really looking to get into deep conversation with him, but to lend a helping hand and make sure he didnt fall, I asked if he needed help. As we chatted, I suddenly realized that I was in for a supernatural encounter...

Kamel is a Muslim man from Lebanon. He loves American football and enjoys playing basketball. He has lived in Charlotte for most of his "American life" but has also lived in Toledo, New York, Indiana, and Detroit. His favorite food is Subway, and although he loves salt, does not put it on his food anymore. Kamel also suffered a crippling stroke about two weeks ago, which is why he was stumbling trying to  walk to his car, which by the way, is also his home right now. A 50 something year old man completely broke down in my arms and brought me to tears. His parents are dead, and he has no family whatsoever. He was at the end of his rope, and had contemplated suicide. He has very little money, and works where and how he can to afford gas to keep his car running on hot days/cold nights. He could barely move his left arm, but was so happy to show me his progress, and the fact that he defied the doctors and was able to even walk. He broke down in tears every few minutes and thanked me for stopping to talk to him, as I had been the only person to talk to him all day. Throughout the conversation, I was able to sharte the fact that I was a believer of Christ, and was able to share the gospel message to him. He was so open and receptive to what I was saying, and just kept thanking me for caring enough to show concern for him. He said that he was afraid to die, and I got the share the hope of Christ, and the way He conquered death. I cannot tell you how amazing this time was just pouring myself into a person with no hope whatsoever. Before he left, he gave me the opportunity to lay hands on him and pray over the stroke-crippled arms and hands of his, and sobbed as I asked Christ to heal him through His power, and that He would restore hope in him through physical and emotional provisions. (this was such an awesome sight at the front door of Amelies) This was the power of the gospel.

I pray that as you read this, God is laying on your hearet to help me reach this man. I dont know what is going to happen, but I am meeting him back here tomorrow night, and told him that through Christ, I was obligated to help him. I need help you guys. I want to provide him with a Subway card so he can buy some meals, and a gas card so he can have a little to run his car. I have no clue about the medical bills, as I'm guessing his bills are probably going to be written off, but I asked him what needs I could meet for him, and the first thing he said was a gym membership. A little taken back, I finally got what he was asking (through his broken English) and he was self-rehabbing, and the medical rehab place had kicked him out after the second day. All he wanted was a membership of any kind to a gym off Central Avenue so he could rehab his arms and legs. He later broke down and admitted that any place to stay was a need of his as well, although he was grateful to have a car to live in. My heart was broken, as I saw the result of years and years of hopelesness finally taken a toll on his spirit and soul. This was why I was sent here tonight. This is why the gospel exists.

I ask for specific personal prayers for Kamel, as the seed of the gospel has been planted in his heart. I pray that Christ uses me, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to show him His love, and the hope of salvation through Him.

This is the power of the gospel...

                                                      -Trey

Change of plans...

I sit here writing this right now from the atrium at Amelies Bakery in NoDa. I'll be honest, it was a rough day for me personally, and after a long time of prayer and reflection on the way home, a little time spent with my family, a hard workout at the gym, and a long conversation with my freind Zack, I came up here to reflect, read, write, and recharge myself (with help from a large espresso roast French press I might add...) As I sit here, observing the people around me, I can't help but notice that the creative juices have been completely wiped out tonight, and I am wrestling with some things. I feel compelled to share the gospel, and connect with others. It is not something that comes natural for me, but it is something that, as a follower of Christ, and a recipient of unmerited grace, I am called to do. My heart is racing right now as I think about what God has been orchestrating in my life, as well as those around me, to bring me to this exact place in time, for His sake. I would ask that as you read this, you not only pray for my boldness and obedience to the great commision, but that the conversations that I have in the next few minutes/hours would be fruitful and Christ-centered. Pray for the seed of the gospel to penetrate broken, hurting lives and reconcile, by His merit, sinful souls to the holiness of the Father. He must increase, I must decrease...

                                                                                                    -Trey

A renewed vision...

Where do I even start with this one? It has been very long since my last post, and a lot has changed in my life. Looking back, I haven't posted anything since before we had our second boy, Mack. What a blessing, (and lifestyle change) he has been! Everyone said that having multiple children changes everything, and were they ever right. We have moved houses (again), and Julie has a new job. You don't realize just how much your life has changed, and how God has brought you through so many circumstances, until you stop, look back, and reflect on just where you are...It's funny how you worry about change, and through the good and the bad, you just "live life" and God works out all the details without you even realizing what is happening. Being a father to two little boys has been incredible. The joy that they bring to both my life, and Julie's is overwhelming. God has truly blessed us beyond measure with their presence, health, and laughter. It is hard to even remember what it was like with just one, much less without both of them. (I vaguely recall more money and more free time...) Julie has been such an incredible mother, friend, and champion in our household through everything. I truly don't know how she has the strength and will to do all she does most days, and she has such an amazing spirit through the good, as well as the challenging times. I thank God every day that He brought her into my life, and that through His providence, He has made us one in Him.

As for me, recently God has been challenging me in ways like never before. Through a lot of the changes I listed previously, as well as some other external factors, I hate to say, but I (some necessarily) had buried many of my passions, desires, and cast visions. Although just a season, it was still difficult to go through. Music, worship, artistic outlets, service to the church and community, discipleship, etc... they all were put on the back burner of priorities in my life. I think in the name of being responsible, I abandoned my First Love. I still struggle with what a healthy balance looks like between my professional career, personal life, family relationships, and marriage, but recently, I have given everything, including the "plan" I had mentally for my life, a re-evaluation, and have re-examined everything in light of the gospel, and how it hold up to the authority of scripture. What I have found is that it is both the scariest, and most freeing action you can take. As the leader of my household, I want nothing more than stability and comfort for my family, but as a child of God, I know that the pressure and weight I was putting on myself, and my vision for our family, while seemingly healthy, was not the radical faith-based vision that God has for us. A tough pill to swallow, but how awesome our God! I am currently in the middle of vision casting, praying, and sorting through God's will for my life, as well as my family's. I would covet your prayers during this time, as I seek God's direction for me.

On a side note, Julie and I have really focused on our health, lifestyle, and eating habits, and by support from family, friends, discipline, and encouraging each other, we have made the first steps in getting ourselves back healthy for both ourselves and our children, but also to glorify God in everything we do. We feel better than we have in a long time, and as we continue our journey, we ask for prayers and support as well. (just don't send brownies...)

God has burdened my heart with so many things, and many more topics, and I plan to blog on a more frequent basis, as to keep everyone up to date with what God is doing in my life, and in the everyday life of my family. We love each and every one of you, and look forward to what God has in store for us...

-Trey