life...

Life is funny, you know? Its not easy, it's not always a bed of roses. It's hard work. But its fun, sometimes. Nobody knows if they will have another breath, and yet they live as if they are guaranteed their life plan in full. Why? Why do we do that to ourselves? Why, after all the pain, all the confusion, all the times that we sit and think about all the times that we did not have it figured out, or even have a clue for that matter, do we put any stock in what tomorrow has. Do I believe that we should plan? Well, yes, but I think we worship our plan more than our God most of the time. He has a funny way of putting us back in place. Why do I feel like I have the biggest burden on me all the time? Have I not prayed and asked for clarity, for insight? Do I believe that God answers the prayers of His own? Do I? Then what is this burden? Is it pressure? Is it responsibility? And what is the root of it? Me. I am the root of it. Here I sit, after praying and asking Him to reveal Himself to me, and expect Him to lay out the entire rest of my life for me? Why in the world would He do that? Wouldn't that lead to a very faithless, predictable, unreliant, self-centered life for me? In this moment I am reminded what it is that was lifted up in prayer. Now, notice I said "what was lifted up in prayer", not   "what I prayed for." This is the difference. Well, the Holy Spirit is really. The difference that is. You see, while I was verbally lifting up what I think my mind needed from God, the Spirit was offering up what my soul needs. I dont need a life plan, I need Christ. I dont need to know what my family will be like in 10 years, I need to put the book down and play with my son. I dont need to read about how to be the best husband, I need to go hug my wife. God is as much apart of the small everyday things as He is is the grand scheme of this universe. I want to make a difference. I am so sick and tired of seeking where my significance in life is. Its not where it is, it's who it's through. It's how I live it. Thats what leadership is. Thats what life is. I have sat here for the last few weeks wrestling with where God wants me, and how He is going to use me. The fact is, the most important, influential thing I feel that I could have done tonight was spent on the side of a bathroom tub, investing in my son as we experienced bathtime together, investing in the future generation. I think is shifting my philosophy in a big way. What the future leaders of the church need is not answers, not premade guidelines, or prfect leadership models. While these are all great, and needed, we miss the point, we miss living life with them. We miss most of the opportunities to influence them. While we spend numerous hours sitting alone looking for ways to develope ourselves, and seeking knowledge to be able to pass on to others to "help" them, they have already got off work, went to the store to buy some more clothes, stopped by the convenience store to grab a drink, headed off to the gym, called some friends to grab some dinner, checked facebook 20 times, went to the mall, and surfed the internet 3 times...Here's what I am saying. We are not experiencing life together. You see, I remember growing up in the church, and being discipled the exact same way. One hour or two a week meeting somewhere, most of the time at church, and talking about leadership, christian principles, discipleship, spiritual maturity, etc...It was great, it was refreshing, it was...not practical. When I left there, I had a life to live. Mostly outside of that community with no support from the church. I would go to school where liberal professors immediately discredited what I had learned in church. I went off with classmates who wouldn't know what to do with a Bible if it hit them in the face. I went to see movies that glorified everything my morals were against. I went to check emails and was enticed 5-6 times during that 10 minute span to offer my soul to fleshly desires. I went to the mall, where everything was based on superficial desires and pride. I had to go to work, where conversations, attitudes, and lifesyles were not expected to live up to any expectations I had set for myself. And such was life. I am glad I had a supporting community of believers every weekend that I could come worship with, but where was everyone when I was living life? You know, the everyday, real things, real problems, and real temptations that come up. Its not all a bed of roses. Even if I was in a spiritual war, I wouldnt even know it by the lack of an army around me. I had the doctrine down, I had the right answers, but every time I stepped out into the world, out of the deep caves of religion that we all resort to for spiritual amnesty, I was getting my teeth knocked out. Why worry about tomorrow when life is blitzing me now, right? We have to stop worrying about the future and start investing in people right now. Life is too short, and too important to waste all your time developing some cookie cutter life 101 for dummies sunday school discipleship mumbo jumbo, and then not developing community with anyone throughout the week. While we are preparing our hearts, they are getting theirs ripped by pornography, unhealthy relationships, language, pride, drugs, etc...How shameful I am that the only time I have invested in the future generation on a practical basis is once a year at Disciple Now. Really? We tell these kids that they are so important that we will open our homes and life to them...for one weekend?  How useless of a leadership model is that? I tell my family how much I love them, but focus so much of my creative and practical energy on my career, and personal development that I do not spend the time with them like I should. I tell people all the time "ill call you" or "well get together soon" with no intention of actually doing it. It sounds good, and it feeds our self-centeredness, as we do just enough to sound like we want to invest in others, but actually inside, do not have any desire to give them one more minute of "our time" ..."Our time"...you know, the time that we do not have any sovereignty over, and the thing that we are not guaranteed one more second of. As I have studied this week, we cannot promise them happiness and prosperity, but what we can lead them to is joy, and a true hope in Christ. Living life. Together.

Numbers 14

Numbers 14

Oh that my heart would strive to see

The timing of your will for me

May only by your spirit I

In humble adoration be

Distortion caused by skies of blue

Of verity and truth of You

Will lead me to that hill forlorn

The bulwark of your name withdrew

For by Your Law I will accede

Not by my pride, or selfish greed

Like sons of Nun my life reflect

And only let Your presence lead

Based on sermon titled "The other side of God's will" by Mike Daniels  8/24/11

invisible man...

Tonight, I picked up several books that I haven't read for awhile and skimmed through them. Some fiction, some poetry and prose, some self-help, etc...I find that every once in awhile, changing the format and cycle of your reading habits is very helpful and healthy. I tend to read deep, theological, very mind-intensive books, and while this is a good thing, sometimes God can use the strangest and simplest things to speak to you. Like tonight. I was reading "Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison. Through the lens of black existentialism, overcoming oppresion, and finding hope, it is a well written book with a great story. At one point in the story, the narrator is having a conversation with a character named Barrelhouse, and a certain portion of the text just jumped out at me and really got my attention:

"Times are hard everywhere. But what's been going on up here, Barrel?"
"Oh you know how it is, Brother; things are tight and lots of folks...got...lost...You know how it goes."
"You mean people in our organization?"
"Quite a few of them are. Fellows like Brother Maceo."
"But why? They were doing all right."
"Sure they was-as long as you people was fighting for 'em. But the minute y'all stopped, they started throwing folks out on the street."

Such is life, right? We're fine when everyones together, when we have each other's back. When we have someone fighting for us, on our side. It brings hope, its instills confidence. It is the reason that Christ is the only true peace and hope there is. Because we all do it at one time or another. Abandon a friend, desert a loved one in need. We let someone down, and the world throws them out on the street. They get lost. To quote Barrelhouse, "You know how it goes." Really? Thats it? That's just the way it is, and we are supposed to act like it's a normal expected, everyday thing? Why? Because we put our hopes in things that will let us down everytime for sake of convenience. For false security. For acceptance. But we get thrown out every time. First of all, as a body of believers in Christ, we should take this to heart and never stop fighting for each other. Or any human being for that matter. They are souls that need love, and if we don't show them Truth and true love, aren't we the ones really throwing them out on the street? And secondly, what do we do when we find ourselves cold and lonely, thrown out, and alone on the street corner? Is God still there? Why is He so distant? Why is this happening? I'll end with a piece of poetry I came across tonight. From Bradley Hathaway. Who is he? I dont know. Some skater-punk looking kid that needs a haircut. But his heart is the same as every man, woman, or child that has ever walked this earth. Searching. Listen to this...

"Silence"

What's happening here?

I was once alive
      and

      now
I'm so full of dread
And almost dead

Show me your wounded head
That has led
To communion
with the Father

But WHERE
did He go?

His presence seems
Farther
and
Farther
away
each
day

But I'm trying so hard
to steer His way
yet still lonely
and confused
on this
COLD
HARD
GROUND
I LAY

Speak to me with wise mouth and say

"It's all good, kid
It's nothing that YOU did
and though it feels like
I'm not with you right NOW
JUST BE STILL
and listen
for that
sound..."


(did you hear it?)

Listen again.

DID YOU HEAR IT?

That silent voice that just spoke nothing?

THAT is ME!

I'm listening to your plea
with open ears
COUNTING ALL YOUR TEARS
Flowing from your
irritated eyes
SEARCHING the skies.
LOOKING FOR THAT
       HOPE
that beyong there lies.
You yound worrisome sparrow,

        FIND REST

Lay your TATTERED
HEAD upon my
omnipotent breast
and make it
your nest.

no STRONG
  COLD
    WIND

Could ever blow
and carry you
from this
your home.

LOOK AROUND
  SEE THE LIFE
Springing up from the ground?
Spring colors springing forth
       in celebration
       of your trusting

It's a constant PROCESS
             this is

GROWING you into the person
          you are to become

And when you sense the setting of the sun
Know that it's only rising and has just begun.

            NOW GO FORTH

               Sing songs
                 of faith!

Lift up others in the midst of this race
     And if you CANT keep the pace
      or lose sight of my face

Know that I'm always near so you NEED NOT FEAR.
    (but don't worry all of them or that right now.)

                 Just sit here
          and enjoy the peace I have to offer
            in My silence.

        When I am silent
         I am listening.

     and not abandoning.





I loved it. And my heart needed this tonight. I hope this spoke to yours as well...keep fighting for one another. Keep the faith. Love one another. Times are hard everywhere...

truth, values, and influencing society (and such)

"Christian values...cannot be accepted as a superior utilitarianism, just as a means to an end. The biblical message is truth and it demands a commitment to truth. It means that everything is not the result of the impersonal plus time plus chance, but that there is an infinite-personal God who is the Creator of the universe, the space-time continuum. We should not forget that this was what the founders of modern science built upon. it means the acceptance of Christ as Savior and Lord, and it means living under God's revelation. Here there are morals, values, and meaning, including meaning for people, which are not just a result of statistical averages. This is neither a utilitarianism, nor a leap away from reason; it is the truth that gives a unity to all of knowledge and all of life. This...means that individuals come to this place where they have this base, and they influence the consensus. Such Christians do not need to be a majority in order for this influence on society to occur." -Francis Schaeffer in How Should We Then Live, The Rise and Decline of Western Thought and Culture...Very well said, and very refreshing in this modern liberal, everything goes, hopeless, no meaning to life, quantitative, measurable, faithless society we live in. We are not here by chance, and that should make us grateful. He is reason, He is truth. And we have been blessed with values and morals to live by. Many times people believe that standards, values, and guidelines are put in place to discipline us, to put us in our place, and to keep us humble. This may have some truth to it, but it is not the entire picture. Without reason, without God's revelation, without His truth and holiness, and high standards, we are hopeless, wandering this earth by chance, on our own, to live to whatever truth we deem relevant at that chosen time. But here we sit pursued by a passionate God who desires us. Desires our hearts, our minds, our service. We can resist His truth and values, choosing to live our life as another meaningless statistic. Or we can embrace His holiness and change the world...

service...

Some things in life just hit you harder than others. Many things you see and hear about on a daily basis can suddenly become more significant when God puts you through situations. I guess you can call it the refiners fire, or maybe using the situation as a lens, to put things in focus. However you want to look at it, when He puts a burden on your heart, it's unmistakeable. Like last week. God had been working through many different things to show me that I need to be burdened about something. Not burdened down with guilt, or shame, or the like. A holy discontent. Something that gave me passion. And vision. Needless to say, it had been awhile since I had even prayed about this. Complacency had set it. God had been faithful, and I had gotten comfortable in Him. Until Tuesday night. Thats when Tucker spiked a 104+ fever, and had a seizure. A terrifying moment, a frantic car ride, panic, E.R., hospital, tests, probes, sleepless nights, scary thoughts...and a burden? It didn't seem right. My son needed me, my wife needed me, and here I was walking the Hemby Childrens Hospital floor late this one night, and God showed me things through His lens. Surely He did not do all of this to bring me to this moment. Surley not, but, who am I to know His ways? The peace that came over me was much needed, but confusing. Tucker was not out of the woods yet, and here I sit wondering if all this was to get a hold of me. But nevertheless I was there. Stuck. For days. And nights. With God. And people all around me that were hurting alot more than any of us were. Kids battling cancer, toddlers walking down the hall hooked to who knows what. Children who were paralyzed from the neck down. Parents who looked like they had no hope. Nurses and doctors who had developed an emotional immunity to peoples hurt to cope with the reality of doing their jobs. And this is just one wing, of one floor, of one hospital, in one city, in one state, in one country. People need hope. People need compassion. People just need someone to just be there. Where have I been? My pompous position of "life's all about choices" and "there's consequences for every action" had left my heart cold to the needs of others. Its not as black and white as I had seen it. People hurt, and sometimes there is no good explanation for the situation. God bestowed mercy and grace upon me in my time of need, who am I to decide who to give it to? And so my burden became real. Service. To others, for others. Being there for people in time of need. They say time is precious, and it's true. But time is a gift from God that does not cost us a thing, and only becomes valuable when you give yours up for someone. Serving others with the time God has given me is the last thing my flesh wants to do, but the absolute best thing for my pride and humility. As I went back to the hospital room to put Tucker back to sleep, these thoughts were put on the backburner of my mind. As I sat there holding my son against my chest, hearing his soft breath over the hum of the air vents, I was relishing the moment that I had right then and there to spend with him. And on the far side of the room, the light was coming through the hallway window, illuminating the entire room with unwanted light, and reflecting off something that caught my eye. It was my watch. Reminding me that God has given me this time to be the person He wants me to be. A father. A husband. A servant to all.

hope...

Tonight, I was cruising down 485 thinking about the path that God has taken us down to get us here. As I thought about the past few months, and the week ahead of us, I felt so blessed and privileged to be a child of God. The tears in the bad times, the laughter in the good times, He's been there with us through them all. Who am I do doubt His ways, or to try to question His will? All I can do is honor Him with what He has blessed me and my family with. I was also thankful for such an amazing church. This morning, everything that has been inside of my head all week was put to rest, taken care of by the peace that Christ, and the worship of Him, can bring. Pastor Clint ended his "Hope" series today with an unbelievable sermon on putting your life in focus, and how we need to center our hope, direction, and goals on Christ, not our fleshly desires. In Sunday school, David Wade talked on getting our life, our house, our prayer life, and our career in order. It could not have been a more perfectly timed lesson for me, as I have been struggling with some real life issues in a few of these areas. It was like I had been praying all week for God's help in some key areas in my life, and after worship, He providentially spoke to me through these great men of God. Now I dont have it all together. As I prayed going down the road, Christ revealed, through the lens of His holiness and redemption, how much of a train-wreck I can still be. But I have hope finally. And that hope is not found in my strength, abilities, action, or leadership. My hope, my future, my sanctification, my all...is found in Christ alone.

faith and hope...

"God takes pleasure when His children participate in His purposes"

What an incredible journey I've been on lately. Tucker is growing like a weed, and it is so much fun to see him learn new things, and develop into or "little man." He is such a blessing, and I cannot wait to see what God has in store in our future with him! And between him and our jobs, Julie and I have had quite a time trying to juggle what time we do have around. This past weekend, a huge burden was lifted off me, as we traded in my truck for a new SUV. As some of you know, mechanical problems with the truck had just about drove me to the nuthouse, and constantly worrying about travel safety for Julie and Tucker on the road was always bogging me down. We were so blessed to find a good deal on the Explorer, and after much prayer and guidance, we feel we made a wise decision in purchasing it... On another note, we are so glad that winter is almost over, and already signs of spring are starting to show here in Tennessee. And even though I am not looking forward to cutting grass all the time, having warmer weather is definitely a plus to take Tucker out in, and spend more time outdoors. It will be awesome taking him to the park, and walking him down to the pond, and to see him starting to explore! God has definitely been good to us, and we look forward to seeing what he has in store for us this spring.

On a more personal note, the subjects of faith and hope are definitely being revealed to me in great ways. The majority has been shown to me in Steven Furticks book, "Sun Stand Still." I have loved reading it, and much of what he speaks about is exactly what God has been stirring in my heart lately. I loved the verses he pointed out in he most recent chapter I read..."Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead" -James 2:17; and "Faith is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1. Such well known, Bible 101 type verses, yet so many times, not fully comprehended. My life has been so full of hope, yet so lacking faith. Alot of times, we pray for guidance, miracles, and mountains to move, yet we want to sit on the sidelines and expect Him to play the game for us. We cannot expect great things in our lives if we are not willing to first be obedient and put some effort in the equation. The great thing is, not that God needs our help, but that He desires it. He has big plans for me, and in this I have hope. He has empowered me by His spirit to accomplish great things, and in this I have faith. And I choose to not stand around, but to walk by it...