life...

Life is funny, you know? Its not easy, it's not always a bed of roses. It's hard work. But its fun, sometimes. Nobody knows if they will have another breath, and yet they live as if they are guaranteed their life plan in full. Why? Why do we do that to ourselves? Why, after all the pain, all the confusion, all the times that we sit and think about all the times that we did not have it figured out, or even have a clue for that matter, do we put any stock in what tomorrow has. Do I believe that we should plan? Well, yes, but I think we worship our plan more than our God most of the time. He has a funny way of putting us back in place. Why do I feel like I have the biggest burden on me all the time? Have I not prayed and asked for clarity, for insight? Do I believe that God answers the prayers of His own? Do I? Then what is this burden? Is it pressure? Is it responsibility? And what is the root of it? Me. I am the root of it. Here I sit, after praying and asking Him to reveal Himself to me, and expect Him to lay out the entire rest of my life for me? Why in the world would He do that? Wouldn't that lead to a very faithless, predictable, unreliant, self-centered life for me? In this moment I am reminded what it is that was lifted up in prayer. Now, notice I said "what was lifted up in prayer", not   "what I prayed for." This is the difference. Well, the Holy Spirit is really. The difference that is. You see, while I was verbally lifting up what I think my mind needed from God, the Spirit was offering up what my soul needs. I dont need a life plan, I need Christ. I dont need to know what my family will be like in 10 years, I need to put the book down and play with my son. I dont need to read about how to be the best husband, I need to go hug my wife. God is as much apart of the small everyday things as He is is the grand scheme of this universe. I want to make a difference. I am so sick and tired of seeking where my significance in life is. Its not where it is, it's who it's through. It's how I live it. Thats what leadership is. Thats what life is. I have sat here for the last few weeks wrestling with where God wants me, and how He is going to use me. The fact is, the most important, influential thing I feel that I could have done tonight was spent on the side of a bathroom tub, investing in my son as we experienced bathtime together, investing in the future generation. I think is shifting my philosophy in a big way. What the future leaders of the church need is not answers, not premade guidelines, or prfect leadership models. While these are all great, and needed, we miss the point, we miss living life with them. We miss most of the opportunities to influence them. While we spend numerous hours sitting alone looking for ways to develope ourselves, and seeking knowledge to be able to pass on to others to "help" them, they have already got off work, went to the store to buy some more clothes, stopped by the convenience store to grab a drink, headed off to the gym, called some friends to grab some dinner, checked facebook 20 times, went to the mall, and surfed the internet 3 times...Here's what I am saying. We are not experiencing life together. You see, I remember growing up in the church, and being discipled the exact same way. One hour or two a week meeting somewhere, most of the time at church, and talking about leadership, christian principles, discipleship, spiritual maturity, etc...It was great, it was refreshing, it was...not practical. When I left there, I had a life to live. Mostly outside of that community with no support from the church. I would go to school where liberal professors immediately discredited what I had learned in church. I went off with classmates who wouldn't know what to do with a Bible if it hit them in the face. I went to see movies that glorified everything my morals were against. I went to check emails and was enticed 5-6 times during that 10 minute span to offer my soul to fleshly desires. I went to the mall, where everything was based on superficial desires and pride. I had to go to work, where conversations, attitudes, and lifesyles were not expected to live up to any expectations I had set for myself. And such was life. I am glad I had a supporting community of believers every weekend that I could come worship with, but where was everyone when I was living life? You know, the everyday, real things, real problems, and real temptations that come up. Its not all a bed of roses. Even if I was in a spiritual war, I wouldnt even know it by the lack of an army around me. I had the doctrine down, I had the right answers, but every time I stepped out into the world, out of the deep caves of religion that we all resort to for spiritual amnesty, I was getting my teeth knocked out. Why worry about tomorrow when life is blitzing me now, right? We have to stop worrying about the future and start investing in people right now. Life is too short, and too important to waste all your time developing some cookie cutter life 101 for dummies sunday school discipleship mumbo jumbo, and then not developing community with anyone throughout the week. While we are preparing our hearts, they are getting theirs ripped by pornography, unhealthy relationships, language, pride, drugs, etc...How shameful I am that the only time I have invested in the future generation on a practical basis is once a year at Disciple Now. Really? We tell these kids that they are so important that we will open our homes and life to them...for one weekend?  How useless of a leadership model is that? I tell my family how much I love them, but focus so much of my creative and practical energy on my career, and personal development that I do not spend the time with them like I should. I tell people all the time "ill call you" or "well get together soon" with no intention of actually doing it. It sounds good, and it feeds our self-centeredness, as we do just enough to sound like we want to invest in others, but actually inside, do not have any desire to give them one more minute of "our time" ..."Our time"...you know, the time that we do not have any sovereignty over, and the thing that we are not guaranteed one more second of. As I have studied this week, we cannot promise them happiness and prosperity, but what we can lead them to is joy, and a true hope in Christ. Living life. Together.