service...

Some things in life just hit you harder than others. Many things you see and hear about on a daily basis can suddenly become more significant when God puts you through situations. I guess you can call it the refiners fire, or maybe using the situation as a lens, to put things in focus. However you want to look at it, when He puts a burden on your heart, it's unmistakeable. Like last week. God had been working through many different things to show me that I need to be burdened about something. Not burdened down with guilt, or shame, or the like. A holy discontent. Something that gave me passion. And vision. Needless to say, it had been awhile since I had even prayed about this. Complacency had set it. God had been faithful, and I had gotten comfortable in Him. Until Tuesday night. Thats when Tucker spiked a 104+ fever, and had a seizure. A terrifying moment, a frantic car ride, panic, E.R., hospital, tests, probes, sleepless nights, scary thoughts...and a burden? It didn't seem right. My son needed me, my wife needed me, and here I was walking the Hemby Childrens Hospital floor late this one night, and God showed me things through His lens. Surely He did not do all of this to bring me to this moment. Surley not, but, who am I to know His ways? The peace that came over me was much needed, but confusing. Tucker was not out of the woods yet, and here I sit wondering if all this was to get a hold of me. But nevertheless I was there. Stuck. For days. And nights. With God. And people all around me that were hurting alot more than any of us were. Kids battling cancer, toddlers walking down the hall hooked to who knows what. Children who were paralyzed from the neck down. Parents who looked like they had no hope. Nurses and doctors who had developed an emotional immunity to peoples hurt to cope with the reality of doing their jobs. And this is just one wing, of one floor, of one hospital, in one city, in one state, in one country. People need hope. People need compassion. People just need someone to just be there. Where have I been? My pompous position of "life's all about choices" and "there's consequences for every action" had left my heart cold to the needs of others. Its not as black and white as I had seen it. People hurt, and sometimes there is no good explanation for the situation. God bestowed mercy and grace upon me in my time of need, who am I to decide who to give it to? And so my burden became real. Service. To others, for others. Being there for people in time of need. They say time is precious, and it's true. But time is a gift from God that does not cost us a thing, and only becomes valuable when you give yours up for someone. Serving others with the time God has given me is the last thing my flesh wants to do, but the absolute best thing for my pride and humility. As I went back to the hospital room to put Tucker back to sleep, these thoughts were put on the backburner of my mind. As I sat there holding my son against my chest, hearing his soft breath over the hum of the air vents, I was relishing the moment that I had right then and there to spend with him. And on the far side of the room, the light was coming through the hallway window, illuminating the entire room with unwanted light, and reflecting off something that caught my eye. It was my watch. Reminding me that God has given me this time to be the person He wants me to be. A father. A husband. A servant to all.